October 14th 2015, somewhere around the world
I think I might go crazy. Every line I read, every song I listen to, every part of movie I see I perceive as a message. A divine message. I started watching The Clone again, the famous Brazilian soap opera which I was watching in 2003. The year when I began feeling, I began transforming, I began suffering, as a woman. 12 year have passed and…
I’m on the way of discovering the code of life, the path of destiny and all the information coming my way seems to link as a puzzle. First the too high flow of energy, then the Frequencies movie, then knowledge changes destiny concept, then the cloning ethic issue, divided between two worlds – the modernity and the traditional one. Maybe not by chance tradition comes from the Islamic world, where I longed to return, where I am now, where he came, too and where we met.
A few years later, in 2007, I was handed Brick Lane, more or less a book about destiny.
Fulfilling my destiny, the obsession of my life. Why was I sent here? Why do the things that happen to me happen the way they do?
Last book before moving to the desert was of an Iranian author, Parinoush Saniee, called The Book of Fate. I received it from my colleagues in the Law Association of which I still am the Vice-President upon my successful passing of the Final Bar Exam. At that moment I thought I wanted to share my days with someone, but I knew that was not possible since the destiny had other plans for me. What I learned, destiny does not come easy, as…this is the destiny, it has to happen like this everything will be fine. No! There’s hurdle and hustle and things going against and there’s our freedom to choose…
Digging in my past, I see my future and in this way I’m hoping to find the key to the future.
I want a coat of arms.
I remember dreaming of a house like the one in the movie (a riad), with an interior garden where parties with singers and dancers and colorful caftans occur every now, where a geometric shape well is decorated with pink and yellow flowers, where men sit on cushions and huge pillows sipping tea and smoking shisha. More than a decade later my dreams have not changed, but for sure I have gotten closer to them. Should it be destiny?
Some quotes from the movie: “Anything man dreams of can become reality”, “Man dreams only what he can achieve”, “It is a sin to go against God’s will”.
Trying to explain myself how I ended up going to Law School and being a lawyer, I realize that even our souls made a contract before coming here, that we chose our parents before coming here.
We have a connection.
Quote from the serial: “The journey makes people come closer”.
Here I found my roots, my long lost roots.
I love going to the corner restaurant where there’s only men. Mainly workers, most of them in their 40s or 50s, some eating and others only savoring a coffee, the look at me with curious eyes.
This is the song of my state right now:
P.S. (January 29th 2016):
“Life and death, energy and peace. If I stopped today, it would still be worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I have made and would have on made if I could. The pains that have burned me, scared my soul, it was worth it. For having been allowed to walk where I have walked, which was to Hell on Earth, Heaven on Earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it and above…”